Thursday, 5 May 2011

An Easter of Muchness.

I have so much to write about and so many thoughts that I don't really know where to start. I have so many thoughts and ideas that the good ones are just going to start evaporating from my mind and be lost forever. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by thoughts, so saturated by them that your mind flits from one thing to the next at a 100 miles per hour just in case it misses something, but in its flitting it can't really get to the bottom of anything or make sense? I just wish I had the time to write them all down it seems the older you get the more you have to do and the less time you have to do the things you actually love instead days become filled with the mundane.

Over the Easter period I ended up going here there and everywhere...within the space of four weeks....Montpellier in the South of France, back home, Belgium, Holland, Germany on a music tour performing outside at different concerts, back home, Kent and London, back home, Kent. Trains I know them well and enjoy the time of quiet which forces me to do nothing else but sit, listen to music, stare out of the window at the passing landscape, write- those four hours are a blissful respite from everything else .... on the other hand-London underground, rush hour,hot weather, massive case and heavy shoulder bag, ticket gates that shut on your suitcase just as your going through holding up a queue of angry, unforgiving commuters behind you....not so good. I think every time I experience this I take one year from my life in stress but its worth it to see the people at the end of it.

Old school and university friends were seen, some of whom I have not seen for nearly two years and some of which seemed different somehow and older and sorted and aware of themselves and know which way they are going. Which then makes you think about yourself and whether you have changed or progressed in any way. I seem to become more unsure about which way I'm going and what I should be doing, I seem to get sick of a job after half a year of doing it so how am I supposed to know what I won't get sick of or maybe I will just flit from job to job until on the year just before my retirement I finally realise what it is I'm supposed to do maybe its best not to know. I'm too idealistic and think everything should be perfect and if its not well thats just not good enough.



                                     Chilling in Hyde Park.




                     Pimms at the Serpentine.


         My housemates from uni---eh!

At the moment at this age of 23 years and 1 month and a bit it just feels that all of a sudden real decisions need to be made but I don't think any decision is irreversible and i believe that you can never make a wrong decision because you made it for what you thought were good reasons which suited that moment of decision most perfectly at the time. So in a year and a few months I will move to Kent to be with James, and I will complete my Masters in History and then after that who knows but i think I'll be wherever I need to be. Those are my decisions for now and these will lead to things unknown and more choices but life would be nothing without choices.
making plans for the future catching up with the past

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